Finnish in birth, English in thought, pandemic in heart

I began in 1985. At first, the world was full of whats. Whys followed soon after, and are yet to go away. My family visited England a few times in my youth, which is no doubt why I often find myself thinking in English, instead of Finnish. Caring for numerous pets and two younger siblings grew me into an empathic young man with an overgrown sense of equity. That might be the reason for my lack of emotional turmoil and aggression during puberty.

I enjoyed reading even before school started, and I still do. On the other hand, I played football and took part in the occasional running contest. I did well but never found my competitive side. I was a model student in comprehensive school. Later, I tried to extinguish the perfectionist in me; mostly because I felt you can’t be flawless if you obsess over little things. I might have had some success in that area, but I do still have an unforgiving memory that relentlessly replays all my mistakes, no matter how old or small.

After comprehensive school, I applied for a high school with a stream in Information Technology and Media, and got admitted after tedious exams. I began studying at a university one year later. At that point, high school studies began to seem trivial. The only goal for learning was success in the upcoming finals, and I found that disturbing. I graduated from high school in the usual three years, with good grades; but my heart was in my university studies.

Today, I’m still troubled with my whys and a tendency for compassion that continuously threatens to efface my sense of healthy self-interest. My choice of words is often too daedal and I tend to loose myself in conceptual thinking. My football ‘career’ is long forgotten but I keep in shape with other means; “mens sana in corpore sano” and all. I’m usually the last to commit myself to anything, but always the last to give up.